


The Problem With Shepard

by Raiadel



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Developing Relationship, F/M, Problems, Relationship Problems, Some Humor, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 09:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11917821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiadel/pseuds/Raiadel
Summary: (ME2) Shepard never took up any offers to stay the night, even though he's had plenty. The females of the crew wonder why and Tali lets them in on a little secret about Shepard's problem.





	The Problem With Shepard

**Author's Note:**

> So over the summer I was replaying dual paths of Mass Effect 2, both the renegade and paragon sides and two ficlets were the result of that. This one's about the paragon male Shepard, the other's about the renegade female Shepard. They're a little weird, but eh. Might as well upload them since I'm tired of editing and re-editing. Other stuff is in the works, but for now, enjoy.
> 
> This one's set sometime in the middle of it all in ME2.

Jack entered the privacy of Miranda’s office, throwing up her hands.

“I don’t get it!” she exclaimed to Miranda, Samara, Kelly, and Tali, who were gathered there. “I used every trick I know and _still_ Shepard barely bats an eye!”

Kelly picked at a perfect nail idly as she leaned against the armrest at one end of the couch. “He was the same with me. Always a gentleman, and he never asked for anything more.” She cocked her head. “Strange, now that I think about it. He’s not like other human men.”

Samara nodded sagely from her place on one end of a couch, bracing her elbow on the armrest while tapping a slender finger on her jawbone

Miranda crossed her legs, looking thoughtful as she arched her back against the uncomfortableness of the chair. “I got the same response. Even with what I’m wearing. Maybe he’s not in it for the sex.”

Jack groaned, throwing herself on the couch next to Samara. She plopped down, throwing a hand across her forehead dramatically. “I mean, he barely even _looked_ at me!”

Samara shrugged elegantly, but Tali stayed quiet, picking at a loose thread on her end of the couch.

“Maybe,” Miranda said, “he’s got a…problem. Or maybe he’s not interested in women.”

“A problem?” Samara asked, her eyebrows drawing delicately together.

“Yeah, with parts,” Jack gestured violently toward her crotch, “down there.”

The asari tipped her head. “I have heard of human afflictions with reproductive parts.”

Jack smirked.

“That would make more sense, actually,” Kelly mused.

“That’s not it,” Tali finally interjected, her voice cutting through the banter.

Conversation died and the three other women stared at her with varying degrees of surprise and suspicion.

“You mean Shepard hasn’t got a problem?” Miranda asked carefully after a few beats of silence. “How do you know?”

“Is he interested in men?” Jack butted in, grinning maniacally.

Tali shook her head quickly, her fingers tapping a nervous rhythm on the armrest. “No. That’s not the problem with Shepard.” Her voice came out a lot more serious than she was intending, but she ran with it. Maybe it would impress upon them the importance of what she was telling them. “The problem with Shepard is that he’s genuine. And loyal. And once he makes a promise, he will keep it. Always.”

“Weren’t you turned down too?” Kelly asked.

The quarian swallowed down her embarrassment, instead injecting her tone with sincerity. “I was, but I propositioned a relationship, not…physical intimacy. I…forgot my place.”

“Then why’d he shut you down? Not that you have anything I don’t, but if he doesn’t want sex and he doesn’t want a girlfriend, then what _does_ he want?” Jack folded her arms, looking annoyed. “I don’t get it. He’s too nice. But he doesn’t _want_ anything in return! Something’s off.”

“Miranda,” Tali continued, “you were with him on Horizon, right?”

“The colony we interrupted the Reapers at?” the named woman said. “I was, but what does that have to do with—“

Tali cut in. “Did Shepard do anything…strange… on Horizon? Act or say anything differently?”

Miranda opened her mouth, then slowly closed it and paused for a thought. “He…met one his old crew members, but she refused to come with him. They exchanged words…” Her eyes suddenly widened as the connection was made in her mind and she had the grace to look embarrassed. “Oh…”

Tali shook her head sadly. “ _That_ is Shepard’s problem. He will always stay faithful.”

“Huh?” Jack sat up in her seat, snapping her fingers impatiently. “What’s this telepathy thing going on? What happened on Horizon? Come on, Cheerleader. Spill.”

“And what happened after,” Miranda murmured, for once not rising to the provocative nickname. “On Horizon, it seemed that an Alliance officer, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, was also stationed there. She was one of Shepard’s former crew. I didn’t realize…” Miranda glanced at Tali, who nodded. Grimacing prettily, the Cerberus operative continued with a sigh. “He embraced her and they exchanged words. She…wasn’t happy that Shepard was working with Cerberus, despite him telling her he wasn’t. She denounced him, called him a traitor, and left.” The woman scraped her fingernail down the table, frowning. “I didn’t see his face, but when we got back to the Normandy, he talked a moment with Joker and went straight up to his cabin. Jokayer refused to tell me what they discussed, citing some so called ‘bro code’. EDI wouldn’t even give me the audio tapes.

“And then Shepard reported to the Illusive Man an hour later and it was the first time I’d ever seen him lose his trademark cool and straight up yell at somebody. It concerned his personal relationships.” Miranda buried her face in her hands, rubbing her temples. “God, everything makes sense now. Shepard still loves Ashley Williams. How could I be so blind?”

“I can admire that,” Samara mused quietly. “To stay faithful to one mate for one’s entire life is no simple task.”

Jack snorted. “So that’s it? He’s hung up on _one_ girl who rejected him?”

“Not rejected.” Tali shook her head firmly. “Not anymore. They’ve agreed to work it out.”

Mildly suspicious stares met her gaze. “What?” she replied innocently. “I have access to all ship’s logs. Including Shepard’s private terminal.” Emulating a human, she shrugged. “Plus, they _were_ my favorite couple on the first Normandy.”

Miranda glared at her. “You have access to Shepard’s private terminal?”

Tali sniffed delicately. “Unlike you, he _gave_ me access.”

Samara quickly intervened with a raised hand as Miranda’s eyes started sparking defensively. “Peace. It is common knowledge that Cerberus watches our communications. Shepard knows that.”

Kelly averted her gaze, refusing to comment.

The quarian stood before Miranda could throw a retort, brushing some lint from her suit. “It was nice chatting with you all, but I need to get down to engineering to check the hyperdrive. If you’ll excuse me…”

A mumbled chorus of goodbyes followed her out the door and into the hallway. It was dark, with the lights dimmed as it was past the usual bedtime for the day crew. It was dark enough that Tali’s eyesight was limited, but she recognized the well-muscled male figure leaning against the wall a few meters away immediately. Smiling under her helmet, she padded over and joined him, pressing her back against the wall with a few inches separating their shoulders.

“I suppose I should thank you.” Shepard’s voice was low in an effort to keep this conversation between the two of them. “You said it a lot better than I could have.”

Tali shrugged, performing her new favorite human gesture. “I doubt that. You have a way with words.”

Shepard chuckled, his voice smoother than the pitch black of empty space. “Still, I appreciate it. Sounds like they took it well.”

“Well enough.” The quarian lightly tapped her finger on her face mask thoughtfully. “You know, I meant to ask you. Why _did_ you give me access to your private terminal?”

He stiffened besides her. She could feel it in the airwaves, even if she couldn’t see it happening. It took him a moment to gather his words while she waited patiently. “Back when Cerberus first put me back together,” he started slowly, “I was a little more paranoid than usual.”

“Makes sense,” she soothed. “I mean, you were dead. Then you weren’t and the company you tried so hard to uproot was now the reason for your second chance.”

“Hmm. Yes, I suppose. But I was sure Cerberus had embedded bugs within the cybernetics in my body. I was convinced they tracked my every move, every thought.” Displeasure radiated from him. “I was worried that I would unwillingly give up whatever relevant information I had on the Alliance, so as soon as Garrus joined, I asked him to keep an eye on whatever I was sending to make sure it wasn’t sensitive material that Cerberus could exploit. At the time, he was the only one I trusted.” He grimaced. “Garrus hated it. Said it was an invasion of my privacy, even if I did give him permission. So he willingly gave up the job when you came along, since he knew you would be poking through my records anyway.”

Taken by surprise, Tali sputtered. “I…I…I didn’t mean to! Not at first, anyway. I didn’t think Garrus had your permission. I thought he was just skeptical about you being the real Sheperd. Well, I mean…” She trailed off lamely, wincing at her translucent excuses.

But Shepard merely laughed, the sound warming her insides and immediately calming her. “Don’t worry about it, Tali. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Frankly, I’m surprised Garrus didn’t just dump the whole thing on you and hightail it out of there. He told you what to look for, didn’t he?”

She frowned. “Now that you mention it, I do remember him saying something about it being ‘just in case’ although I didn’t know what he meant at the time.”

Comfortable silence fell over them and Tali hesitated to break it.

“Say what’s on your mind, Tali. I can tell when you want to ask me something.”

She couldn’t stop her blush. “Oh…I just wondered if you and Ashley are…okay.”

Shepard sighed, sounding tired. “Honestly? I don’t know. I hope so, but the ball’s in her court right now. There’s nothing I can say to change her mind. Besides, you know how Ash is. Stubborn as all hell and with a temper to match.”

Tali nibbled her bottom lip. “Well, if you…if you need to talk, come visit me in engineering sometime. You play the shrink so often for me, I think I should return the favor.”

A smile warmed his voice in the darkness. “Thanks, Tali. You’re a good friend.” He patted her shoulder and headed for the elevator up to his cabin.

From any other person, it might have sounded vicious, considering that he had so recently shut her down. But that wasn’t him. She touched her shoulder gently, feeling the warmth emanating from that brief contact. Shepard radiated reassurance and genuine sincerity and Tali relaxed enough to smile, even though she knew he wouldn’t see.

Maybe that’s why she did.


End file.
